bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
