i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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