My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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