Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
