Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
