did you get engaged???
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
