Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
