First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
