you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
