Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
that is very illegal...i love you.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
