youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
