At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
