Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
