There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The beer is more important than you right now.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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