we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
