We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
