remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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