I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
