did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
