she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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