About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
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Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
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Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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