i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
