So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
