theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
