She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
