Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
