If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
