some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
