So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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