Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
whose parrot is this?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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