we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
