I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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