Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
me + whiskey = a bad person
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
