just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
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Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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