I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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