I can't watch pbs sober anymore
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
