I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
