he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
