It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
