so explain again why im purple
no
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
