he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
