accomplished twins. life is a go
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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