Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
