Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
