So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Randomize
