I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
