how can u be prego again
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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