I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
