its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
