there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
