Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
