tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
