Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
