I understand why you refuse to be sober now
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think i got beer on your cat.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
