If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I would ride that face into the sunset
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
