I bet he comes in French.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
