Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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