Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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