one might say we're banned from that church
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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