Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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