I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
This house was built for laser tag.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
