At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
